Do we inherit as much from our parents as eyes or hair colour? Two women describe how loneliness affected their lives and how that feeling relates to their parents and children.
“Loneliness is a regular part of my life, no matter where I am. It feels as if the loneliness lies inside you. It makes you feel intensely close to your acquaintances and people you love, but you can’t. ‘
Angel Cousin and her mother Haley were both suffering from anxiety, depression, and loneliness. Angel’s mother started feeling depressed and lonely since the birth of her baby, while Angel had depression since childhood.
Seems to be lonely inherited
20-year-old Angel said: ‘Our family looked different in Peter Barr, the British city. We all knew that because we all seemed different. I was tall, and my parents were from different races, so I looked different.
“When I went to university, everything was fine, but somewhere I realized that I couldn’t get along with other people. I thought that living in London would probably improve things, but it didn’t. “
‘I used to think I was quiet and hesitant to talk to people or to make fast friends. I had to struggle a lot to connect with people and make friends right away. After class, people used to go out for drinks but did not invite me. I thought maybe I was wrong. ‘
‘Going forward, I stopped attending my classes. I would get up in the morning and then go back to bed, and I didn’t go to the flat parts where other people used to be. I locked myself in isolation and let it dominate myself. ‘
Angel quit the university the year before, giving up on the situation. Although he was keen to go to his house and his mother, he rented a room near his house.
Angel says, ‘It was good that we weren’t together because we kept making trouble for each other with ease. My mother certainly helped me improve my mental health, but her mental health could not be worse, so I didn’t talk to her much. ‘
I do not blame them because they are not deliberately so. It is not their fault. This is probably something I’ve learned from them. There are some aspects of my attitude and personality that I have learned from him even though I did not want him. ‘
The British organization AJUK has described loneliness as a lack of sincerity, closeness and social ties with others.
Welfare organization Mind says it is not a mental illness. Still, investigations show that it is more prone to anxiety, stress and depression and is due to a major event or change in life. It may be like the trauma of someone’s death, the breakdown of a relationship, retirement or the change of home or city.
Dr Rebecca Noland, who researches loneliness, says it can be transmitted to other people in the family.
She says that ‘we may not find a gene that influences the feeling of isolation, but we want to know how to deal with the genetic sense of isolation’.
According to him, ‘many reviews point out that feelings of loneliness are hereditary, and that there is a connection between parenting and children’s loneliness.’
She adds that ‘Parents who have been suffering from isolation for a while can transmit their negative emotions (during parenting) to their children. As a result, negative emotions can be transmitted instead of feeling lonely. ‘
Christie McGraw says loneliness became a problem for her when her son was born five years ago. They tried to go to several groups of mothers and children to make new friends, but this did not happen, and they began to feel lonely.
Even though their husbands help them in the evening, it is difficult for them to spend the day because they are often alone and no one is there to talk to them.
McGraw, 33, who lives in south London, says he fears that if he can’t make social connections for his children, it could have a negative impact on him and his feelings of loneliness could be transmitted to his children.
He says, ‘I would not be surprised if these feelings were transmitted to my children. This is something I know about. I want my kids to be calm in the presence of others, and they don’t feel like they fit into the social activities that surround them. ‘
He said, ‘My son returned from school and said he had no friends and had never played with anyone. I am worried that it is because of me that I have not made him aware of the social conditions that he can understand how he mixes with other people. ‘
According to Dr Noland, feelings of loneliness are common among new parents, and one way to deal with this is to find common interest groups rather than just looking for parenting groups.
Dr Farooq Fazal, who works in the mental health field, says that feeling of loneliness comes when you have no support network and believe that teaching them how to deal with it helps in school. Can
‘No one teaches how to deal with life’s challenges. For those suffering loneliness, it’s not just about physically being with you, and it means you can’t talk to people or you have no emotional support. ‘
He says, “I’ve seen many people who have no support people and their ability to cope.”
According to the charity Mind, there are many ways to deal with loneliness, while Dr Noland says professional help can be taken in this regard.
She says’ loneliness leaves you with a painful and disturbing feeling. If someone is suffering from isolation and they have been feeling it for a long time, then you need to know that you have developed negative thoughts about it. ‘
She says that ‘you may need cognitive behavioural therapy or CBT to change your thinking and rearrange things.’
Angel resorted to counselling, however, saying that it reduced her excitement but did not eliminate her feeling of loneliness.
She returned to the university shortly after, but since then she has focused on learning her mental health, work and driving.
He says that ‘there is a difference between loneliness and anxiety, and this is different than just making friends.’
She says, ‘Anxiety can also make you lonely, but the loneliness I felt at university was contradictory. It’s like being with people but living in a world of your own. ‘